Today, I am going to answer it....

I haven't written in awhile, and I miss it.  Things have been rough.  However, I have been asked a certain question, over, and over.  I have heard it so many times that I have even questioned it myself.  Today though, I will answer it.


The Question: Why don't you just have the hysterectomy?? 

Now, for my answer....
All of you that have kids, do you love them??  Of course.  Do you love them so much that you would lay your life on the line for them??  Absolutely.  I haven't met my kids yet.  It may be another 2-3 years before I do meet them.  They haven't even been created yet.  I do know this though: I already love them more than life itself, and like you guys with kids, can say without a doubt that I would lay my life on the line for them.
Some days I want to quit and give up, I won't lie.  Then I think of who I am doing this for, and my perspective changes.  I am willing to endure what I am enduring right now so I can meet my kids one day.  I have known since I can remember that I have wanted to be a mom.  It has always been my dream.  I refuse to give up on my dream. 

There is your answer, short and sweet.(For once!!)

Introducing.... my twin!!

Hey guys, I talk about my twin quite a bit on here, anyway, she JUST started a blog on here.  So please, go and read it.  She is an AMAZING writer, and I know you'll instantly fall in love with her story.  So head on over there and check it out!!  The link is:

Http://effysvision.blogspot.com

Q & A

So I was e-mailed some questions from a couple of different people, and I decided to answer them here.  If you don't know me that well, I hope you do after reading them!!



How long have you been living with your illness?
I was officially diagnosed April 2011, but they suspect that I have been dealing with it since my mid teens.


What treatments have you undergone?
 I have had 2 surgeries so far(within a month of each other), both were scope surgeries.  One was to remove severe endometriosis, the other was to remove a blood filled, tennis ball sized cyst off my right ovary, and remove more endometriosis that had already developed!!  So needless to say, it has a rapid return rate and it probably won't be my last surgery.  I have tried the birth control pill and it did not work.  I recently started the Lupron injection, and so far, so good.

What has been the scariest/hardest part of your illness?
I was freaked out about surgery, but other than that, nothing too scary.  I cried when I was told I had Stage 3 Endometriosis, it sounded so scary.
The hardest part, I would have a tie, one being in and out of the Emergency room.  In September I would feel this agonizing pain, and pass out.  By the time I was conscious again, I was being put in an ambulance.  I went about 5 times in that month.  Haven't seen since * knocks on wood*.  Partly because I gave my fiance strict instructions to not call 911 unless I am bleeding to death.
The other hardest part, I went through a severe depression.  I couldn't do anything.  I barely made it to class.  I can't work because my health is so unpredictable. Sometimes I have to leave hang outs early, and sometimes I can't even go.  I hate being bored, so that isn't easy on me.

What do you look like?
I am about 5'5", 120 lbs.  I have red hair, blue eyes, bunny rabbit teeth.  I am pretty pale, but not Casper pale.  That is about it.

Is your twin anything like you?  Who is older?  Does she have Endometriosis?
Haha, my twin is older.  Lookwise, I posted a picture of the both of us a couple of posts down, but if you can't see it....  We both have big blue eyes, big foreheads, and the same mouth shape, but that is it.  I have had people say "you guys could pass for sisters", I have had people say we look a lot alike, some say we don't look anything alike.  Personality, YES, we are a lot alike.  We both love to just have fun, and mentally, are still teenagers.  We both have big hearts and care about others a lot.  There is so much more I could list, but that would take forever, and no, thank God, she does NOT have Endometriosis.

Have you lost any friends since being diagnosed?  Did you have anything to say to them??
I wish I could tell you no, everybody stuck by me and were great, but unfortunately, yes, I HAVE lost friends. They never told me to my face, but I did end up hearing from some pretty trusted sources.  I even lost the girl who was supposed to be my maid of honor!!  Luckily, my friend Carrie is GREAT, and is now my matron of honor.  To the ones who think I talk about my illness too much, I say "Look, like it or not, this is a big part of my life now.  Don't like it??  Don't talk to me."  To the ones who left me for other reasons, all I have to say is if they leave out of my life over petty little reasons, I don't need them, and it doesn't break my heart to see them go.

What are 5 random facts about you?
Hm, well, lets keep this short and sweet.
-I don't like to text.  The only people I will really text with is my twin and Jake.  Only because I talk to them all day long and if we actually talked instead we would be on the phone all day.
-I am a HUGE Chicago Cubs fan!!
-I know way too much ANTM trivia.
-People I would take a bullet for would be my Grandparents, my mom, my Uncle Freddy, my twin, and Jake.  In no particular order.
-To my loved ones, I am a very very sweet girl.

Do you work or go to school?
I cannot work, because of my current state.  My health is so unpredictable, it would be impossible to hold down a steady job with that, and all the doctors appointments I have.  Hopefully soon though!!  Yes, I am a student, Jake and I take the same classes :)

Where do you live?
I live in Monroe, LA.

Are you religious? 
Yes, I am.  I am a Christian.  Baptist, to be specific.  I don't know where I would be without the Lord!!  He has done so much for me and answered so many prayers.  I don't push my religion on anybody, but yes, I am very much so religious!!


When are you getting married? How long have you guys been together?
Jake and I have been together for about 4 years and we are getting married on December 30.  He is honestly the best guy that a girl could ask for, and I am thankful to have him!!  The man of my dreams!!  Love you baby!!


That was fun!!  If you have anymore questions, send them to me at MassieMoscow@gmail.com

Menopause, weddings, and family. Oh my!!

I always dreaded menopause, from what I had already heard, it didn't sound pleasant.  Going through it at the age of 24 is a whole new ballgame.  I felt so bad this afternoon that Jake made me stay home from my afternoon class.  Understandable I guess.  Last time I felt bad and went to class, I passed out, and had to be transported by ambulance to the ER.
The appointment with pain management went well.  My pain is SO much more manageable now, and best of all, I CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT AGAIN!!

I have been SO busy planning my wedding, but I am happy about it!!  I got my dress yesterday, and I am in LOVE with it.  It was pretty funny how it happened, actually.  Carrie picked up this dress asking how I liked it, to which my reply was "Eh".  Then not 2 minutes later, I come across this dress on the rack, pick it up, and say "I love this one!!" then Carrie says "Massie, you know that was the dress that I JUST showed you."  Haha, oops.  It was the one I ended up getting, and my grandaddy is proud, because I got it at a bargain!!  I also got my tiara(I will not be wearing a veil) and the slip.  I will be getting my shoes this week hopefully.  Jake also got my wedding ring yesterday!!  I can't post pictures here, because Jake will not see my dress until the moment I walk down the aisle, and we will not see the rings until we exchange them.

Also, in wedding news, we got our cakes/finger foods and reception site taken care of!!  My bridal shower was Friday night.  We got a lot of great stuff, and had fun with a lot of great people!!

Okay, now in my health news, the lupron shot + pain management seems to be working effectively.

When I am not writing about my OWN personal health experiences, I want to start spreading awareness of Endometriosis.  So my first step:  Get this blog more popular.  I have no way of knowing how many people actually read it, so PLEASE, leave me a comment if you are reading!!  That way, I can get an idea of how many readers I have.  Second: I want to get in touch with people who have related blogs/websites, so I can promote them as well.

If there is anybody out there suffering from the same illness, my heart goes out to you.  It is a tough battle, but we will make it!!

Another update....

Well, as far as the Endometriosis goes, I got the Lupron injection!!  It still hasn't kicked in for me quite yet.  I learned it may be awhile before it does, so they are setting me up with pain management, which I have an appointment with Wednesday.  I am not thrilled about it, I had a close friend commit suicide with an overdose on pain medication a few months ago....  but then I have to remind myself; Hope was an addict.  Hope intended for it to kill her.  If I am honest, and just take it as directed, when I need it, it won't happen to me.  I won't let it.  Also, I don't necessarily HAVE to take the medicine.  I can exhaust all my other options like physical therapy, etc. before I resort to it.  Though if it gets that bad I might as well just have the hysterectomy.

School is going well.  Luckily my professors are really understanding about my situation.  I hate having to miss so much class, but I have to remind myself that my health comes first.  I am still getting A's & B's and handing in my assignments on time, so I am not too worried.

Well, I have a busy weekend, so I am going to go ahead and do this early.  I don't think she will mind me posting her photo here.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWINNY!!

(That is me in the Batman shirt, Mia is in the black vest)

I want to thank you for being one of the few people who have stood by my side through all this.  Tough times show people's true colors, and you are a beautiful rainbow!! Thank you for never wanting me to change, for always letting go and having fun with me no matter who is watching, for holding my hand when I get my shots, and so much more that would take me forever to name. I don't know what I would do without you!!  Bottom line: LOVE YOU TINY TWIN!! Here is to an awesome weekend!!

It's been awhile....

Mainly because for the last couple of weeks, I felt great.  So I was taking the opportunity to do whatever I could that I couldn't do while I was feeling bad.  However, unfortunately this treatment is a lot more short term than we had hoped for.  We knew it would be, but we were thinking short term as in a couple of months, NOT a couple of weeks.

Physically, I am not doing so great.  I feel sick again, and I hurt again.  Get this, on my last CT scan, they didn't find anything.  I was relieved there was nothing serious there, but at the same time, I wanted an explanation for why I am feeling the way I do.  But we have none, so onto our next option....

Which is the Lupron shot.  For those of you who do not know about it, I will get the shot once a month, for 6 months.  It will force my body into menopause temporarily.  I'm not thrilled of the idea of going into menopause at the age of 24, but it is better than hurting all the time, and it is only temporary.  I receive my first injection tomorrow.

I am not so sure what to expect, so ask whoever you know what to expect from menopause and PLEASE comment here and tell me!!  Also, if they know of anything that will relieve those symptoms I will be having, PLEASE let me know!!


Emotionally, I AM doing better.  I have always had minor issues with depression, and while I don't want to go into detail about that on here, I will just say that it IS getting better.  Depression has a large gray area.  So I got properly diagnosed and am getting the proper help.  It is safe to say that this illness has taken a toll on my emotional stability as well.
Interestingly enough, my younger brother, Kevin, diagnosed me before the psychiatrist did.  He told me long time ago what he suspected it might be.  Sure enough, I called him that night and told him what it was.  Being the loving sibling he is, I didn't get a "I'm sorry to hear that" or even an "Oh, really??".  No.  I got a "YES!!  I KNEW IT!!"  Thanks a lot, Kevin.  (Just kidding!!  All jokes aside, love ya!!)

So tomorrow we make the 2 hour drive to Alexandria to get my first shot.  I HATE the drive.  I hate Alexandria as well.  BUT, the up side is, we are stopping by to pick up my twin.  I am SO excited about it, I miss the girl to pieces!!  Maybe I should take this opportunity to kidnap her and bring her back to Monroe with me.  Hmmmmm......

I will let everyone know how the appointment goes :)

Oh, and last but not least,
Less than 3 months until I get married!!

Great news!!

So after many sleepless nights, and after much thought and prayer, I decided it would be in my best interest to see my old doctor, who we will call Dr. H.  I saw him before, he diagnosed me with Endometriosis and did my first surgery, but then I moved 2 hours north to Monroe.  I have been doing pretty badly, and while I hate the distance and don't really care for Alexandria(where I WAS living), I decided that it would be best.

What many people don't know is that I have struggled with Endometriosis for some time now, before I even knew I had it.  I talked about it in my very first blog post, but I will repeat some of it here.  I would say the spring of 2010 onward was when it REALLY kicked in.  I just didn't feel good.  We didn't know what was going on.  I even went into the ER twice that summer because my symptoms triggered two terrible panic attacks, and I didn't know what was going on!!  I didn't even know they were panic attacks.  They thought I was in there to get drugs for myself or a friend, told me it was all in my head, and wouldn't even reccommend me to anybody.  At one point they even told me that it was paresthesia, in other words, my brain got overstimulated and caused me to panic so badly, my whole body went numb!!  However, there was nothing that they could do for it; it was all in my head.  I didn't get a break until an ovarian cyst burst on me in April, shortly before my birthday.  I saw someone we will call Dr. D in the hospital, and she seemed to be great at first.  However, she didn't seem too concerned about everything that I had going on physically.  That is when I decided to get a second opinion, and ended up with Dr. H.  Good thing I did too, he operated on me a few days later, and diagnosed me.

So, I woke up early, and Jake and I made the drive down to Alexandria.  Well, really he drove and I slept most of the way.  Did I ever mention how amazing of a fiance I have??  We stopped and picked up my twin on the way, because I don't go home without seeing her!!  So we picked her up, and seeing her cheered me up quite a bit.
Twin, if you are reading this: MOVE TO MONROE!!
Anyway, like the wonderful person she is, she sat out in the waiting room while Jake went back with me.
I saw Dr. H almost right away, and he said it could be a few things, all of which could be complications from a previous surgery(not the one he did).  So I have to go back Friday to have a scan done, and then we go from there :)
For now, I got a shot to reduce inflammation, and it is working out quite well so far :)  I already have some relief.  Time to go eat Papa John's pizza!!